“Who are you?” were the last words I spoke. I remembered that when the sound of a rhythmic beep awakened me. As if from a dream, where one knows not the beginning, but somehow ends up in the middle. Maybe that rhythm had been going for ages, from the beginning of time. Yet at that particular instant, it decided to take me along the journey. Only to be shown blurry images and puddled noises.
“…. Shhee’s awwwaaakeee,” a ridiculously long echo spoke amongst the mosaic. My eyes blinked at a thousand. Hoping for an end to the blurry tales. Yet shadows of blue and white kept fuzzing in front of them. And another… which stayed still.
Who are you? I wanted to ask. My lips didn’t. It came closer. I could discern the black shirt and his black beard. There were muffling rejoices between the buzz. He smelt of a sharp rosewood perfume. His white teeth exposed themselves from within the beard. My ears finally descended back to reality. The beeps continued.
“Honey, you’re finally awake,” he said. Honey? I wondered. He had finally taken shape. With neatly combed hair, cleanly trimmed beard, tucked in his blacks, and contrasted by silvery pearl eyes.
“Mr. Sullivan, please step aside. Let me examine your wife,” an old doctor commanded the man aside. His hands were prickly. Yet I was hung up on the word Wife. Whose wife? Who is he?….. Where is this? What happened….. Who am I?
“…Mrs. Sullivan, can you hear me? Hello…” The doctor repeated. He clicked his fingers in front of my face as if to bring me back to this world. It must have been the disoriented look on my face that he huffed and sighed. “I don’t think she remembers anything well, Mr. Sullivan,” he said, turning to my husband. “Don’t be worried,” the doctor added when Mr. Sullivan protested. “It’s common in such accidents. We’re lucky that she has only some minor injuries. It may take a few days of rest before all her memories return and she feels like herself again.” The old doctor limped his way back out the door to check on the next uninteresting patient.
“Honey,” a voice called. My eyes fell on the unfamiliar familiar face. “Do you remember me? Terry?” he asked. His eyebrows curled down to mimic a puppy. His pearly eyes felt like a universe altogether. For a wild moment, something in me sparked. As if it believed wholeheartedly that “I am his wife.” before vanishing back into the blur.
“What happened to me?” I asked. He smiled gently. He had a kindly gaze.
“It’s nothing. You’re perfectly fine,” he said and sat down on the bed beside my legs. Terry put an arm on my leg, gently massaging my thigh. A gooseberry shiver ran up my spine. His gaze stared into mine. The perfume slowly diffused through the gap between us. Nervously, he put his hand over mine; but stopped the moment he saw me twitch. “It’s okay… I understand,” he said with a frown. “You had an accident, Jessica. I was terrified when I got the call. Thank god, you’re alright.”
If alright was feeling pain in the very structure of your arm, then I was. If it was anything else… Atleast, he solved the mystery of my name. I was… probably Jessica Sullivan. Wife to Terry Sullivan. I said to myself. Some part of myself wanted to believe it. Another rejected it altogether. My eyes traversed through the silent white room. A tray full of medicines, turquoise sheets spread on my bed, an air conditioning unit that kept its inhabitants chilly, an extremely bored nurse, a human husk without memories, and Terry. Beside my bed, there was a set of clothes. The white shirt was drizzled with a spray of blood and cut open at the arm. The arm which was in a heavy wrap under the sheets.
A jolt passed through my brain. I twitched noticeably. Terry ran over to me. It was a memory. A car… and me. I was wearing the same white shirt. I was laughing. The driver laughed with me.
“Honey, are you alright? What happened?” Terry asked. His pupils looked afraid for a second. It dilated into oblivion, which was evident from the surrounding ashy pearl frame.
“Nothing,” I shook. I am Jessica Sullivan… I convinced myself. “How did my accident happen?” I asked.
“I don’t know all of the details,” Terry said. His hand maintained a safe distance away from mine. “I was told that you were parked onto a tree when they found you. It was inside the woodland path, on the way home.”
Home… A new jolt came through. A beige panel-boarded house. A golden fur dog running at full pace to me. Two pepper haired people waving their hands on the porch. Home… I thought, clutching my forehead.
“Who called it in?” I asked.
“I also don’t know… I was told that you were resting with your forehead on the steering at the time of discovery. But they never told me who gave up the information,” Terry said. His face looked slightly annoyed. A phone ring later, he left the bed to the edge of the door.
Then who was with me? I questioned. That memory… was definitely myself. It was the same white shirt-unbloodied… A cloud flew over the rest of it.
“… her memory hasn’t returned yet…” Terry whispered over to someone on the phone. And silenced himself further when he caught my eyes staring. I was not surprised. Who wouldn’t be annoyed by an unresponsive wife? I looked at the helm of my fingers. A white band surrounded the third one. An empty hand without a wedding ring. “… I’ll bring her before that,” Terry finished his call and came back inside. It must be my parents. I thought. What kind of people are they? I wondered.
“Jessica,” he called.
Another jolt flashed forward. “JESSICA!” It screamed. A vicious arm grappled upon my wrist. Twisting and winding around it. I could feel the pain crawling up the nerves towards my shoulders. And…
“Jessica? Hey…” Terry brought me back. “Are you remembering something?” he asked excitedly. It reminded me of the golden puppy.
“No…” I shook my head. Why did I lie? I did not wonder.
His head fell with a sigh. Immediately it rose with a smile, saying, “I’ll go get something for you to eat.” And vanished while taking another call.
I have a good husband, probably. I reassured. The air conditioner chilled the room further. I could feel the cold slowly raising my blanket, as if to invade my privacies………
Another jolt ran forward. “LEAVE ME!” I cried. A hand grabbed on tightly to mine, and another on the steering wheel itself. “LEAVE ME!” I roared and tore the hide of my rampant hunter. I felt the sensation of warm blood on my fingertips. Yet…
Yet I could see no face to my blurry hunter.
Are these my memories? I questioned.
Or merely frightening fantasies? I hoped.
A lingering doubt ran persistent within me. A doubt that I knew not how to answer. If I was not driving the car… then how did I end up on the steering wheel?
The conditioned air crept up to my spine. Sending shivers down my now-responsive leg. Terry came back to the room with a few more stress marks than he left with.
“What happened?” I asked. I felt a lump holding up my words at the throat.
He shook his head. “It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“Terry,” I called.
“Yes, honey?” His puppy face gleamed closer.
“Can you take me for a walk? It’s cold in here,” I requested.
With great stress and a lot of convincing the nurse, I was permitted to walk through the corridors of the hospital. It was showered in white and blue lights. Me, holding onto Terry with my one good hand walked slowly around the edges. People walked around here and there. My nurse followed us with extreme-less dedication. The doctor, during his walk arounds scolded me and Terry for our bashfulness, while agreeing that “A walk will be good for you.” Until we reached the end of the corridor, where the wall was cut open into a small balcony; outside of which lied the world I was once part of.
A jolt rushed back in… I froze like a photograph framed in time. A new memory again… This time, I prayed that it would be a fantasy. It should be… It is…
As we reached the balcony, Terry reluctantly let me hold myself onto the rails. My nurse followed suit, searching for a chair she can sit on again. The gentle evening breeze drove through my livid eyes. Terry got another call and vanished again.
It should be… I wondered. Replaying the same memory again. There was a song which I sang to. And he who sat beside… sang along with me. It couldn’t be true. Another jolt pushed through my head. My eyes were full of tears. My mother’s mane was hugging me tight. I was staring at an empty hand. Fresh off a broken marriage…… It… Another jolt ran ahead. “LEAVE ME!” again I cried. The hand now held mine in a vice. It was strong, wide, and familiar. It had rolled-up sleeves; Black in colour. It had… Another jolt, mixed with all others came through. My head felt as if it would explode. My eyes felt like it can drown a thousand men over. I stared at the empty nothingness ahead. I stared again at the empty white band across my fingers… This time, realizing my truth. I had no husband. I looked back at Terry. He smiled back at me. Finally… I remembered.
As we were trailing through the woodland paths, the song replayed again for the third time in our short trip. He was a charming man. He was funny. He was kind. Why else would you trust a random hitchhiker in this era? We drove… the laughs gently died down. I heard the door lock on the handles suddenly. And then… All I felt was the grappling vice of his hands. Wearing the same black shirt, holding an unfamiliar cold look… it was him.
He came back from the call. “…I’ll get it to you…” The announcement was loud enough. Those stark grey eyes peered into my soul. I felt the tail of my spine to my necklace line shiver in terror.
It was him.
With blood on my hands, I stared back at my hunter in the car. Like a fawn, clutching at the door handles while speeding through the woodlands. It was him.
“Do you want me to leave you?” He asked, for a moment, letting me believe.
“LEAVE ME!” I pleaded.
He agreed. The door opened. My gravity fell. From a speeding car, with my head and hand winning the race, I trampled the ground. And then… I saw black. All the while I wondered, in my head, in my heart, two questions. Why? And…
“Who are you?”
